Writing Samples

Short Stories by Jon Raasch


4 Perfect Names

Jordan Catallano's gory locks and junkie good looks don't matter to Jordie LaForge, he just wants to learn how to drive. Jordie feels a bit like Claire Danes, but, regardless, he sees 70 times better than a human being. Jordan Catallano doesn't think it silly to teach Jordie LaForge, a pioneer in gilded vision and renowned explorer of the cosmos, to pilot a mere terrestrial automobile. Jordan's rabbit's foot clangs repeatedly against the custom chain steering wheel, Jordie has stopped the car. He removes his headband glasses and says, "This planet's biorhythms have restored my eyesight. Magnificent." His pupils are eerily pale, and its Reading Rainbow. Lavar Burton's more interested in imagination than eyesight. And Jared Leto, he just thumbs his belly button and, after a long pause, spouts: "Luckily there happens to be dilithium mining facility on Rigel 7." But it's too late, impulse power is gone and the violins already sound their jarring, simplistic tones. Jared's pupils have dilated; the fridge is off the wall, screaming. And I'm reminded of the MagiChef, metallic and blithe, raising one arm on the fakely-porous fridgefront. Among Domino's pizza magnets he transforms the kitchen into a spaceship, into a grunge rock concerto.

2004